- h0ney’s world of wordz -

wow, it’s been a long long long time since i last created a blog. some of my friends have been asking me why there’s no any updates of my blogs. hmm… first reason is I hardly have time to online, let alone writing blog! why? cos of STPM of course! STPM makes me go crazy. well, the second reason why I dun write blog is because I found that writing blogs may cause some misunderstandings between ppl and I. I definitely dun like the feeling to be misunderstood. and even because of writing blog, the relationship between some people and I had been broken. yes, I’m telling the truth.

well, for all these while, I’ve been busy studying, doing revision, doing homework and reading. 90% of my time is spent on books. even when I sleep at night, I dream of chemistry, physics theories, maths formulae, etc etc… gosh, it drives me crazy! for your information, I just completed my STPM trial. I realised that STPM is so so so so so so so so so much different from any other exams like PMR and SPM. Just in one-week time of STPM trial exam, I collapsed twice. I cried on the halfway of revision. why? cos of too much stress. I even threw my textbook and everything on the floor, and then tears bursting out when I was reading. I couldn’t stand it, I wanted so much to give up. you know what, i realised that i myself has changed so much after I started taking STPM. changed like how? I’ve been changed from the happy me to the depressed me. even my mum has always been claiming that I’ve changed. Now, I don’t like to talk and even laugh. I just tend to be as quiet as I can. even when I’m with him, I dun talk much. Instead, I keep quiet and get mad at him easily. but, thankfully that he tolerates me. well, in another 1 month time, the actual STPM will come. do I have to ability to face it? can I overcome my mental stress? can I fight with it and will I win? Please give me the strength to carry on. I have to win.

valentine’s day is coming. everyone has started thinking what to give to their partners. in my opinion, some DIY stuffs are already sufficient to make ur beloved one happy. for example, u can make a nice cake, some nice cookies, delicious chocolates, or even a small little card for ur loved ones. even though these things dun cost much, i still believe they are so much more meaningful than u buying some costly branded necklace, bracelet, bags and so on.

valentine’s day — the day which is full of love and romance. do u think ur expensive presents or ur romantic self-made gifts will touch ur partner’s heart? for me, i’d prefer accepting a nice self-made card as the Valentine’s Day gift. =)

it was our college prom nite on last friday. my friends and I reached the college at 6pm, as we were informed that the events would start at 6.30pm. however, we were not allowed to enter the hall until 7pm, as everything was not ready yet. so we waited outside the hall.. *sweat*.. as we were invited in, we were allowed to have some food first. but the food was like fried puff and cakes only. i was so disappointed to see food like that on the table, cos i expected the food to be in different kinds and nice. after eating, the events started. there were just some dancing performance, singing and so on. overall, the nite was boring. we didn’t expect the nite to be like that. it might be because i was in bad mood that night, so i didn’t enjoy much. after i reached home at 12.30am, i quarreled with bf again. i cried with all my heart inside the car in the basement parking of my condo. i really hated quarreling with him!! but after i made some explanation to him on the phone, we became alright.

this wednesday, i went to taman titiwangsa with my bf after class, as i told him that i wanted to visit the ‘Eye On Malaysia’ ferris wheel and watch the daily WaterSky fireworks. after reaching there, we rided on the 60m high ferris wheel. i expected both of us would enjoy everything happily that night, but things turned out to be different. although the WaterSky fireworks was gorgeous, i was not happy at all, cos his mood wasn’t good, and thus my mood was affected. we didn’t talk much. after some time, my limitation of endurance was reached. i started to get mad. we had some quarrel after we reached home. but the day after that, we were alright again… *sigh* sometimes i realise that im not a good gf. he’s good to me actually, he tolerates me always. im really glad to have a bf like him. =) love him always~~

this tuesday, i joined my mum and uncle to have dinner at Shogun 1utama. well, it was actually a birthday treat by my uncle’s company. there were almost 28 of us, celebrating 5 persons’ birthday together. as i entered the restaurant, i was really stunned by the food there. i couldn’t believe my eyes cos i saw LOADS of delicious and tasty japanese food there. without waiting for others, i was the first to stand up and get food. i tried to grab as much food as i could. without having finished my first plate of food, i went and grabbed another plate of food again! there were sushis, sashimi, unagi, shark fin’s soup, miso soup, ice cream, cakes, fried japanese food, teppanyaki, crabs, golden big prawns… etc etc etc etc.( there’s not enough space for me to list down all the food here, =P ) gosh… it was really nice.. i felt like i was the luckiest person in the world at the moment. i could eat all kinds of good food at one time. yummy~~ we had been eating for more than 2 hours that night, and it was the first time in my life that i felt so full. hahah!!

it was christmas yesterday.. and we had fun at genting. well, it wasn’t as fun as expected.. but.. as long as i could spend the christmas with my loved one, i already would feel very very satisfied. =) but, just before we left genting, i shed my tears in front of him… (sigh, what a shame..) i just couldn’t control myself, cos i was too sad that the sweet moment of us would be over soon and also, the holiday would be over.. i’ll have to start my school again, spend most of my time studying again, and cannot see him that often anymore.. (as he has graduated from the college, so we cant meet as often as before anymore).. i’ll start feeling sad whenever i think of next year. i dun wanna face the stress of STPM and the sadness of being separated with him. well, we are still together of course, im just sad that we cannot meet that often anymore.

my family and I are moving to the new house tomorrow. but i haven’t packed anything.. cos im feeling really really exhausted. i had been sleeping for 24 hours yesterday after coming back from genting. every part of my body is in pain. =( sigh…

after 3 weeks of separation with him, i got to meet him finally.. im glad that we’re still fine. we’re good like before. this shows / proves something: when we dun meet each other for a long time, our relationship will become bad; when we meet, everything will become fine and normal. sigh… without seeing him for only 3 weeks could make me go crazy already… i wonder what would happen if we were to separate for a month or 2 months or longer.. =\

christmas is coming.. he had bought me a nice anklet, which i wished to get for my christmas. =) but.. i still haven’t bought him anything.. i really hope i can get him something he wants for this christmas. anyway, im wishing everyone a very very Joyable & Cheerful christmas, and a hapPieee nEw yeaR 2007!

(thanks to those who are concerned about me.. i really appreciate ur care… anyway, dun worry about me. im okay and fine now.. =) )

yes.. im feeling very down. nobody can be my good listener, that’s why im here to write my blog again.

i’ve been crying for whole night yesterday. actually, i cried from yesterday night until today morning. he cannot understand me.. as im taking the medicine everyday now, i dun feel good EVERYDAY. my whole body, especially my stomach and my breasts suffer from pain. he is supposed to understand my situation and care me more at this moment, but not getting angry and talk so badly to me! i was having a bad stomach ache yesterday night.. crying, holding my stomach and struggling on the bed in the middle of the night, i sms him for 4 times, i needed him so much. but i saw no reply from him. when i needed him most, he was never there for me. at 4am when i was already asleep, he replied me a cold + short sms. i was extremely disappointed to receive such reply from him…. i felt so so so depressed.

i dunno why but since i’ve started taking the medicine (or maybe because i am not able see him during this holiday), my temper becomes bad. i get mad at him almost everyday. we almost quarrel everyday. and slowly, our relationship becomes worse… we never talk nicely to each other now.  im really tired… i’ve tried so so hard to keep this relationship good. i tried to talk properly to him just now.. and hope to settle the problems. but his response was not good at all!!! he seemed to not understand what i said!! oh god, what can i do now???? i’ve done what i should do.  i can feel the pain in my heart now. somebody’s like keep stabbing my heart with a sharp knife.. can he heal my broken heart? i need some comfort and care from him.. but why does it seem like it’s impossible for me to get them from him? gosh.. i cry whenever i read his msg now. i dun wanna read his msg anymore.. the words he type are hurting me.. my eyes are heavy and im already tired of crying… sigh.. hope we can be as good as before.

yay~ i bought a new pair of slippers at NOSE yesterday.. =P they are nice but.. they kill my feet when i wear them. i only realised that they are not comfortable to wear after i’ve bought them. =\ goshhhhh….! before buying slippers, Jason brought me to Wong Kok Char Chan Teng at 1utama. well, it was the first time i went there.. and he introduced me some nice food like…something like rice with cheese (i dunno how to write the name in english).. it was really nice! Jason was surprised that i had never eaten those kinds of food before.. hmm… is it surprising that a person never try ‘rice with cheese’ before? at the restaurant, i saw one of the contestants of Jue Dui Superstar. she was Des, the girl who got into the final part. she was with another contestant.. (well i dunno the other girl’s name).. they looked pretty but they didn’t look friendly. the girl (not Des) stared at me with unfriendly sight and then turned her head.. she was treating me like her enemy or something. duhhhh i dun even know u! i know u are one of the superSTARs but pls dun look at me that way okay~!

after then, i saw my friend SS, who was with her bf. i was inside NOSE that time. jason saw them first. but they didn’t even see us. they walked into Forever 21. Jason wanted me to enter Forever 21 and meet them but i refused to.. well i was shy lar… not that i tried to avoid them or what. =\ hmm…..

just now, my whole class went to UTAR PJ to attend the talk ‘Painting With Your Mind’. well, it wasn’t only for our class, some A level classes also attended it. all students went there by TARC buses except me.. i drove there… wahahah~ well, it would be rather convenient if i drove there, cos UTAR is quite near to my living place. the talk was good but it was rather boring sometimes.. some of my classmates like Sammi and our class rep King Wei (sleeping King!!!!) slept during the talk. it ended at about 12pm. then, Sammi invited me to have lunch with her & her bf at 1utama. we took our lunch at the restaurant Dragon, where served expensive food. i was like sweating when i saw the prices of the food. =\ *sighh…

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! it has been a real long time i haven’t celebrated the mooncake festival. yesterday, i had a fren inviting me going to her house to celebrate the festival together. well, i wasn’t really close with those frens, but that doesn’t mean i didn’t enjoy the celebration. it was not bad actually. at least i had the chance to play with candles and lanterns which i hadn’t played for a long long long long long time. i played all these when i was still a little kid. I reminisce about the joys of my childhood. i recall the memories i had in my hometown when i was still a small girl.. it was sweet. =) i feel quite happy that i could spend the night with ‘hap chou’. (the one who always calls himself ‘hap chou’ 1,u know who im talking about. =P) holding the lanterns together in the night, we walked around the street. it was really nice. we walked pass houses by houses.. i could observe that some of the families were celebrating outside their houses as well.. children playing with candles, lanterns were hung everywhere.. parents preparing food.. adults having some gatherings, sitting down and having some good talks.. i could feel the happiness of the families. i feel happy for them as they could celebrate together with their own family members, they should be satisfied. some people, like me, can never have the chance to celebrate any festivals with my own dad and mum together.. for those ppl who can be with ur family, pls appreciate every moments u have together. =)

here are some photos i took yesterday. (pls click on the pictures to view bigger size of them.)the candles with the STAR shape was created by the frens of my fren. while the candles with the WORD ‘mid-autumn festival’ was created by jen fai, jason and me. and…. the most beautiful one –> the HEART SHAPES was created by me and jason. dun u think it’s nice? this was the first time i created candles art like this.. heehee… what a wonderful experience! this will be a sweet + long lasting memory to me.. =)

yesterday, we were given our Chemistry test paper. yay! i got 78% for it.. well, it was not very very good but i was quite happy with the result. =) after class, i went for the movie ‘Rob-B-Hood’ at 1utama. it was a very funny and nice movie. i enjoyed it so much. =P

few days ago, my sis came back from abu dhabi. wow, she bought us a lot of things. she bought me a mini skirt from topshop.. it was quite short for me, i wonder where should i wear it to. other than that, she even bought me and my sister bikini suits from Women’s Secret. it was nice, but………i dun dare wear it ehhhh.. *shy shy* =P i’ll keep it until the day i have the guts to wear it. hahah! im really jealous of my sis, she earns a lot of money now. she enjoys her job, she can even work in other countries, meet people with different cultures… hmm… i always wonder if i have the chance to be like her. sometimes i’ll start to be worried when i think about my future.. i don’t know what should i do in the future. i dun even have an ambition. im worried that i will not be able to get a job that i enjoy. i mean, many ppl nowadays dun enjoy their work. most of them are forced to do the job that they are doing. im scared i’ll be like them one day. hmmm…. =(

recently, my 2nd ex contact me.. i was so surprised that he msg me and chat with me. before this, we didn’t break up peacefully. i scolded him at the day we broke up, and since then, we never contact until now.. i wonder what is his intention of contacting me now. he’s like wanna be good with me. well, are all boys like this??? my 1st ex was like this once.. and now my 2nd ex. boys, pls dun treat ur girls good after breaking up… u should appreciate ur gf when u’re together, but not after separating!! get it??!

gosh, i’ve run out of money.. it’s the end of the month. i dun even have the courage to tell my dad about it. cos he’ll sure ask me to move out and find a room outside instead of staying at mum’s house. he dun like me staying at mum’s house!!! =’( i cannot understand what he’s thinking.. what is wrong staying with my own mum? im already 18, i have the right to decide what i wan to do. well well well… whatever.. the only way i can do now is saving money. i have to cut down on my expenses. =\ hmm.. both my elder and younger sisters will go back to Kemaman tomorrow.. they’ll go back for 1 week. many of my frens asking me going back to Kemaman to celebrate Mooncake Festival together, but guys, i dun have holiday, so i can’t go back… sorry to you all.. chen ling, sze kai, quinz, jun long, cheng haw, yu ren and wei xuan.. im sorry that i cannot go back…. im sure u guys can celebrate it happily without me also.. =)

today 22nd september is a very special day to me.. how special? mm.. it’s very very special. =P there are two reasons making this day so special.. 1st, i finally forgave my best fren. 2nd… mmmm… well im gonna keep the 2nd reason to myself, not gonna say it here. in a word, i feel happy today. =)

after my class today, my sis wanted me to drive to KLCC so that we can go back home afterwards. but then, i waited for her for about 5 hours in KLCC. i myself walked alone in the big mall.. waiting for her to finish her dinner with frens. i got so damn tired after few hours of walk. my legs are still killing me now.. -_-" poor me….